Blameless. I want to be blameless. Clear of all doubt because I have no faults.
Wouldn't it be great to never make a mistake or mishap? Wouldn't my weary spirit find peace knowing that even under all that surface perfection, I am also the most loving, kind, patient, and peaceful creature that I could possibly be?
And why? Because, in my desire to be reliable and respected and loving is a form of avoidance. I am so well acquainted with my disappointing self that I am worn out by its mere shadow. She is a monster and doesn't deserve to see the light of day. She is only reliable in her ability to fuck up. And then, after the fuck up, she is unforgivable and must suffer a measured amount of the essence of her own rot. She must be punished long enough that she never recovers. So that she will spend the rest of her days wondering and speculating on ways to curry favor in hopes to at least engage in her life, all the while remembering what a brutal ogre, a pathetic earthling she is
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